i'm no fucking buddhist

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Mon, 13 Feb 2006 23:19:12 GMT

2 good things:

i got engaged
tim is back on live journal

get to 8 mile bitch!
(i still got your cd)

i would put this on myspace but, I am unable to understand how it operates
amy will have to show me how that works

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 20:53:32 GMT

aside from many changes that need to be made please feel free to check out my website

www.laurastreehouse.com

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 22:35:43 GMT

man...

mitch hedberg died

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Mon, 13 Dec 2004 03:00:03 GMT

here is that drawing that i did a few months back
i said i was going to post it
and i am just now getting around to it

*holy moly!

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Thu, 25 Nov 2004 16:38:24 GMT

Hey Laura
so sorry for the delay on getting back to you- I don't know if you're aware but you won the Bjork Comp on the Breezeblock a couple of weeks back!! Well done, we loved your entry! So what I need now from you is an address that I can send the tracklist to please? That would be great...
take care
The Breezeblock Team
Helen Smith

i never win anything!

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Wed, 17 Nov 2004 19:41:00 GMT

who likes to sit there and
watch helplessly as their cat has a seizure?
oh! pick me!!

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Wed, 03 Nov 2004 19:53:21 GMT

dear canada:
please can i come and live with you
the states are fucked

thanks a lot
laura

123 maple leafe drive

what is the matter with people?

* to the t

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Tue, 19 Oct 2004 04:45:11 GMT

thanks to tim
for getting on my ass about posting my art
it is a hard thing for me to do
but i have to do it
or else i think i am going to lose tim as
a friend

and i want to

this is the house that grandmother
was born in
grew up in
lived in
and now obsesses over cause she no longer lives there
it is in wilkes-barre pennsylvania
so if you live there, or plan on going there
take the challenge of finding this house

go...
do it...
do it now
NEVER do this

p.s.
thanks timmy

* and one more thing...

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Wed, 25 Aug 2004 06:20:05 GMT

this entry is in regards to my previous entry

i was an inconsiderate asshole
and forgot to thank my dear friend
nathan for all the trouble he went throgh
to make my new york trip "special"

and now my "letter to the city"

dear city of new york:
thank you for letting nathan
get me to staten island
and then through brooklyn

thanks for taking me to time square
and taking me to coney island
and for letting me sleep on his couch-haha

and for getting me lost in williamburg
and for the lovely cab ride
and for the word of the day

thanks for the great singing on the subways
and that franz ferdinand

thanks for how to kill your neighbors dog
and thanks for that great mac and cheese
that i bet $10 is still sitting on the table
thanks for letting me cry
when i thought my car was stolen
and for not making fun of me

thanks for calling me a tramp
and letting me be mad at you for it

thanks for the car ride home
and all the shared stories
and thanks for perkins...

basically
thanks for letting me stay with you for
a week in new york city
it was a time i will never forget
and i love you for it

the end

p.s.
please don't forget to
return my bathing suit bottoms
thanks a bunch
belligerently yours

laura

* long time running...

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Mon, 23 Aug 2004 20:44:14 GMT

i have not updated this thing in forever
mostly because nothing has happened
in the past few months
this was a very lame summer for me
but i finally went on vacation

i went to new york city for a week
and that was quite the trip
here is the very shortened version of it

sunday:
got REALLY lost in new jersey
finally made it to brooklyn
went and hung out at the "gate"
and had some good times

monday:
went into the city
it was hot and rainy
walked around until i thought i was
going to die
met some billiards players
ended up in times square
i hate times square
and once again
found myself at the "gate"
having good times

tuesday:
went to coney island
and was overly excited
then i realized it was 22$
just ro ride the god damn
rollar coaster
not a happy kid
played in the ocean...found a crab
went to williamsburg
had some shitty drinks
get really lost
took a terrible cab ride home

wednesday:
went to the dakota building
walked around central park
went to rockefeller center
watched the olympics
ran into yoko ono
once again...
ran into times square
went to the toys r us
and tried to ride the ferris wheel

thursday:
went museum hunting
found the german expressionist museum...
closed
went to the guggenheim...
closed
and could not find the metro
gave up on that
went to the hello deli and got
rude service from rupert g
went home and drank beer
watching adaptation

friday:
went to soho
noho
little italy
china town
and laughed at all the fuckers
in the holland tunnel

saturday:
found out my car got towed
i didn't do anything saturday

sunday:
paid $205 to get my
car out of impound
and got the fuck out of dodge

the end

all in all
new york is a cool place
but i liked brooklyn better

* i should have known

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Sat, 03 Apr 2004 02:13:51 GMT

Who will you be stuck with at end of time? by chi_a_baidh
Your name is
Your sex is
Your favorite color is
You are stuck there because	you escaped a nuclear war
For _____ years	97
With
He/She will think you are	horny
You will	make a coconut radio

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

*trying trying trying

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Mon, 01 Mar 2004 20:33:42 GMT

things that ain't cool about this week:

1. my spaceship looks poopy
2. all my fucking teachers are packing the shit high
cause this is the week before spring break
3. i apparently had 2 weeks to rewrite a paper and i just found out today that i had 2 weeks to do it...why do i never know these things?
4. my head feels like it is caving in on itself
5. i think tim is dead
6. i never got to go to france
7. i am not allowed to stare at people...only hug them
8. my $8 orchid died
9. i think my little pinky toe is going to fall off

and #10.
illustrator 10 likes to take projects that i worked very
hard on, and then destroy them causing me to redo them all
the night before they are due

I LOVE MY SCHOOL

* pick...lick...pop...crunch (repeat)

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Thu, 12 Feb 2004 01:45:12 GMT

grapes grapes grapes
grapes wrestling grapes
grapes heat stroke grapes
grapes grapes grapes

* walk to the books...

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Thu, 05 Feb 2004 22:34:48 GMT

i finished my test early
so i thought i'd go to the library
and to my surprise
there was an art opening in the lobby

what was the art you ask
a 48 foot crochet penis

mmmmmmhmmmmmm

* bad grammar

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Mon, 05 Jan 2004 03:34:50 GMT

for christmas i got:
1. monkies
2. saved by the bell box set
3. the flu

it was fun
i had a awesomely lame new years because of it
nothing like sitting on a couch
watching aqua teen hunger force

but i did decide that 2004 is a good year
cause it is an even number
and that means oh so much to me

here is my list of
"things to accomplish in 2004"

11. watch less mtv
10. be more productive
9. cut my hair
8. hate my job even more than last year so that
i can have MORE motivation to quit
7. wash my car more than one time
6. not to go get into cars with strange boys
5. camping
4. re-discover vodka
3. take amy out for walks more
2. get glass nipple rings
and number 1
go to chicago and visit tim and draw and color all day

there we go

that was not as exciting as i thought

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Mon, 08 Dec 2003 20:08:39 GMT

today as simply and humbly as possible
i will celebrate the life and death
of john lennon

yes...
celebrate is not the right word to
use when refering to death
but i think you know what i mean

23 years today
it was a monday then
and it is a monday now

* oh yeah

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Thu, 13 Nov 2003 05:26:54 GMT

this is what happens when you slack off kids:
it is called:
dedicated to mike and bryen

thomyorkepiggy: i think that the wind is trying to rape me
thomyorkepiggy: that makes me want to write a poem
xjustreheat: the wind lapping at your window
thomyorkepiggy: i am the lone vegan warrior
xjustreheat: standing at the edge of darkness reaching out for my landscape
thomyorkepiggy: i can tatse it through every fiber of my being
xjustreheat: i smell a thousand smells and i see darkness ahead of me
thomyorkepiggy: and yet, i cannot see you, my dark angel of love
xjustreheat: yet i can feel you ever ominpresence of light filling my soul
thomyorkepiggy: caressing all of the intangeable feelings that make up my prisoner heart
xjustreheat: bursting it into a wildfire of love and passion raging like the bull inside of me
thomyorkepiggy: my body is now a charred barren waste land waiting for you to replenish me
xjustreheat: i am like an deflated tire awaiting your pump to fill me with life
thomyorkepiggy: what
thomyorkepiggy: hahahahahahahaha
thomyorkepiggy: that is just silly
xjustreheat: it had to stop somewhere
thomyorkepiggy: yeha
thomyorkepiggy: i am amazed that it lasted as long as it did

you wish you had mad lyrical skills like me and amy...
not at all really

* i promise to be good...

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Mon, 10 Nov 2003 03:20:53 GMT

i don't know why i am updating
i HATE livejournal

belle and sebastian was sweet
very quiet group for 4 million in a band
the crowd was super lame though
but me and amy have mad dancing skills

i had a rather humerous dream
long story short
my boyfriend had a lawn in his apartment
and all over the lawn were signs with
giant pictures of me as a child on one side
and my senior pictures on the other
and in big lettering it said
"laura einowski was a child porn star"

and then there was a bit about radiohead being locked inside
of dakota high school

sake bombers fuck you up
homework awaits
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

* mmmm hmmm

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Sun, 19 Oct 2003 00:29:43 GMT

so my boyfriend sent me all of these links
and usually anything that he sends me
is just the same old forward stuff
and i never really laugh
but oh my...
there were tears with this
and i am not sure why

http://www.lumpen.com/video/carnival2.mov
http://www.lumpen.com/video/BobyMassage.mov
http://www.lumpen.com/video/nosebleed.mov
http://www.lumpen.com/video/skier.mov
http://www.heavengallery.com/fenslerfilms/computer.mov
http://www.heavengallery.com/fenslerfilms/joe_kidsfry.mov
http://www.heavengallery.com/fenslerfilms/joe_pimp.mov
http://www.heavengallery.com/fenslerfilms/joe_reggay.mov

* oh sweet jesus

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Sat, 18 Oct 2003 03:16:54 GMT

tonight i over dosed on:
blonde hair
leather skin
glitter
short skirts
short shirts
really bad "80's fashion"
and white suburbia wanting so much to be black

that is right
tonight i took my mother to see "j.t."
or as you and i would call him justin timberlake
mmmm hmmmm

all in all i have to say that i was surprised
it was not half as bad as i thought it was going to be
i didn't know one song
but my mom knew them all...
so that made up for my lack of justin-cation
ummm...

i do have to say these negative factors about
mr. lake
5. you are not black...not matter if you
are the only white boy on stage
and if you talk like a black person
you are white...

4. i don't like when you say
"detroit rock city"
over and over and over and over
yes i know...this is detroit
and there is the song...
get over it

3. stop grabbing your own ass
in a manner like it was a real womans ass

2. next time you charge $50 per head for
shitty seat...please play more than 6 songs
and for longer than the minus an hour and a half
that you did play for...
i may not like you...but i did pay

1. contrary to popular belief
justin timberlake...is a silly dancer
i think he and i need to have a dance off
i saw far too many of my own dance
moves copied tonight
and let me tell you...
i cannot dance

i will say however...
he can beat box...

and it REALLY does kill me to say that

* oh my björk

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Fri, 17 Oct 2003 18:45:31 GMT

oscar arzamendi, alba solaro, alexandre de bellefeuille, mexico city, montreal, cananda:
if you could switch your life with any other person, who would you choose

björk:
i really don't have those feelings. i remember as a child, wanting to be the ocean. does that count?

what a great answer
i love this woman

* like a rhinestone cowboy

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Mon, 13 Oct 2003 03:39:03 GMT

this was a really bad weekend
it was super annoying
and when you thought that it
could not get any better
it didn't

i wanted to feel better
so i decided that i wanted to look
through old pictures
and i came across the pictures
from the last time i visited tim
and i was inspired

i miss tim

p.s.
tim's balls were blasted to bits
right after this was taken by amy
it was the funniest // saddest thing i ever saw

* shot throught the heart

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Mon, 06 Oct 2003 06:36:43 GMT

raunchy:

Adjective
1. a. Obscene, lewd, or vulgar
b. Sexually explicit.
c. Exhibiting lust.
2. Grimy; unkempt: a raunchy closet full of dirty socks.
Other forms
raun'chi·ly adv.raun'chi·ness n.

last night i had the raunchist sex of my life

* cry me a river dawg...

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Sun, 05 Oct 2003 00:47:02 GMT

i fooking love my mom
she is so hip

she and i just bought tickets
to go and see...
justin timberlake mother fucker
uhhhhh!!!

wooooo hooo
calling into work that night!!

*...i am good...i am good...i am good

fakeplasticlaura@hotmail.com — Tue, 30 Sep 2003 18:31:20 GMT

as of this morning i am the proud owner
of a life size cardboard cut-out of:
robo mother fucknig cop
still protecting the streets of a "futeristic detroit"

p.s.
dear amy marie simpson
you are invited to the first anual
"anti-homework-but-still-doing-homework-party"
this tueday night on the 30th of the ninth month
of the year two thousand three
(that is tonight)
for chips and salsa that you have been neglecting
and and AND
my mom bought the good trail mix from sam's

so come on
wayne sucks
ccs rocks
we can switch homework